Doe-eyed tarot-trash magician David Blaine took time off from his latest stunt, spending a month inside a live giant gypsy moth cocoon as it hatches, and made the Milwaukee Brewers disappear from the National League Central Division race. Blaine, whose “knitting needle through the palm” trick never fails to impress dog-brained hot chicks at parties, snuck into Wisconsin inside a block of industrial-purpose gouda cheese and then sprinkled bits of himself on the road from the airport to Miller Park so he could find his way back, leaving enough “Blaine Strength” intact in the Hell Cypher that passes for his body to easily conquer the Brew Crew. Blaine stole most of the players’ girlfriends and wives with the needle/palm gag followed by a regurgitation of a dozen small potpourri sacks. Having sapped their confidence, Blaine simply replaced the pine tar bag with a canola oil sack and the Brewers lost control of their bats and dropped five in a row.

Looks like Michael Vick, on the hot seat for financing a dog fighting ring and betting on it, may have plea bargained his way out of the most severe punishments. The conditions of his plea bargain include – A fine, probation, NFL suspension, a breakfast of Kibbles ‘n Bits for a year, NOT the bacon ones but the regular bland ones, In February ’08 he must go to Madison Square Garden, tie a porterhouse steak to his ankle and run naked through the Westminster Kennel Club Show, he must have “Marly and Me” read to him once a month by a cute stuttering kid with three Golden Retreiver puppies in his lap, and finally, he must watch “Snow Dogs” and “Because Of Winn Dixie” back to back every night while laying in an actual dog house. Vick will get a two-week vacation from this punishment in January and plans to spend it in Korea, where he is considered a hero.