SCARLET KNIGHT TOSSES DAMSEL IN MOAT
Rutgers assistant head football coach Chris Demarest was released on bail at the Jersey Shore after assaulting his girlfriend at a bar.Jeff Cez: I know I’m getting off on a tangent right away, but is this kid any relation to William Demarest? Uncle Charlie on “My Three Sons?” Sounds like he might be that Old School. Generally, at a bar at 3am on the Jersey Shore, you’re supposed to pop the dude who INSULTS your girlfriend. She must’ve said something bad about Springsteen.
WEIS BACK IN TUMMY COURT
Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weis is back in court with a negligence lawsuit against the surgeons who stapled his stomach.Jeff Cez: No joke, the first time was declared a mistrial when a juror went down with chest pains and the two surgeons ran to his aid. F*&#ing suckups. I hate that. Anyway, there’s so many praying Born Agains nowadays, they’re chewing into the time God normally uses to jerryrig Notre Dame games.
RAZORBACK BLEEDS FROM BACON AREA
Arkansas running backs coach Danny Nutt has resigned due to a recurrence of bleeding from his brain stem.Jeff Cez: C’mon, get up, shake it off. It doesn’t sound serious, especially considering that Daisy Mae nap you call a coaching gig. Probably just pissed off Mustain left. Okay, the joke portion is over. Seriously, Danny, lay down NOW. I hurt my thumb on my turn signal and I had to lay down for three weeks, how are you even getting the Count Chocula to your mouth? A better man than I.
WILLIAMS GETS VERTIGO. NOT THE MOVIE, THE DISEASE.
North Carolina hoops coach Roy Williams has come down with a bout of vertigo which is a sensation of dizziness and tilting.Jeff Cez: Trust me, anybody who’s played a Roy Williams team has suffered from a sense of dizziness and tilting.
