WOMAN WRESTLES BEAR!
Chicago Bears middle linebacker Brian Urlacher and his ex-girlfriend, Tyna Robertson, have been ordered into a parenting class in an attempt to lessen tensions over the joint custody of their son, Kennedy. Jeff Cez: Ms. Robertson also had a dustup with Lord of the Dance stud Michael Flatley that got tossed out of court. How crazy hot is this woman that when a friend comes up to Urlacher and says, “See the dame at the end of the bar? She’s suing the Lord of the Dance guy for sexual assault. Wanna date her?” and Urlacher says, “I gotta tap that.”
LION: CAN'T TOUCH THIS
Detroit Lions defensive tackle Shaun Rogers dodged a bullet when prosecutors decided not to press charges after an allegation from an exotic dancer that Rogers “inappropriately touched her.”Jeff Cez: I think that’s stripperese for “You play BALL and you tipped me five lousy, creepy bucks? I got Vice on my speed dial dude, so at least cough up your Tag-Heuer.”
ORGANIZER STICKS CARBON FIBER BLADE IN MOUTH
A British Grand Prix track meet organizer told the press the participation of double amputee sprinter Oscar Pistorius, whose lower legs are carbon fiber blades, could open up able-bodied competition to athetes “with jet packs.” Jeff Cez: I hope he found out what it feels like to get your ass kicked by carbon fiber blades. Everybody knows it won’t lead to jet packs, it’s in the Kyoto Treaty, Section 7, amendment 3a, “no jet packs, dude.”
WNBA GETS NEW TV DEAL. WAIT. WHAT?!
The WNBA cut a new TV deal with ESPN Sunday that will take it through the 2016 season. Financial details were not disclosed.Jeff Cez: What do they mean, ‘financial details?’ Am I to understand someone is PAYING to air these games? Holy moley. I gotta pitch my Horseshoe League to ESPN. I mean, these women are fantastic athletes but so was Rulon Gardner and I don’t see anyone jamming a Greco-Roman Wrestling Association down our throats.
