EATING CHAMP HAS GLASS JAW
World Hot Dog eating champ "Tsunami" Kobayashi suffered a severe jaw injury during training, putting his next title defense in doubt.Jeff Cez: Y’see? Now maybe you’re not so quick to judge Paris Hilton, hey, my friends? Let that be a lesson to you - this type of work takes practice, yes, but mostly… it takes guts.
ALLAH BACK ATCHA: AGGIES DODGE SUIT
Four Muslim football players at New Mexico State University who brought suit against the school and coach Hal Mumme have reached a financial settlement out of court. The Muslim players claim Mumme fostered a Christian clique within the team and made players recite the Lord’s Prayer after games.Jeff Cez: May I ask something before we get started? How did not one or two, but FOUR Muslim football players find their way to Las Cruces-freaking-New Mexico?! I’m on the players’ side in this one – enough with the praying on teams. Separation of Church and Cleats, I say. To paraphrase the great comedian Jeff Stilson, “You never hear a player say after the game, ‘We were doing great until JESUS made me fumble!’”
BIG HOUSE SWELLING
The University of Michigan stadium is scheduled to undergo an expansion that will increase its seating capacity to over 108,000. Jeff Cez: Hail, to The Money Grubbers, Hail, To The Elbow Rubbers, Hail, Hail, to Michigan, Can’t See The Game From Here!
TIGER FATHERS WHITE WOMAN'S BABY!
Golf icon and gigolo Tiger Woods has strayed once again from the straight-and-Davis-Love-III-narrow PGA prototype to father the child of a hot blonde white woman - Whoops! Hadn’t heard. He got married, you say? Oh. Sorry. Just move on to the next story.
