Washington Redskins rookie LaRon Landry got nailed square in the howitzer while out paintballing last week and will miss at least a week of practice. Yes, it sounds silly, and he feels silly, and you think he’s a goofbag, but your armadillo didn’t take a purple paint missile to the snout. Give him that. And I am here to tell everyone, CUT LERON LANDRY SOME MAJOR SLACK – he had a choice: go to the strip club and throw money around til he gets in a fight, go to an after-hours club and stare at other guys’ women until he gets in a fight, get in a random fight with a teammate, go back home to the scary part of town and stick his nose in the middle of a drug deal, or… …be a happy-go-lucky, responsible, upstanding young man, listen to all the wise sages and go to something WHOLESOME with your afternoon, like paintball. And then some geek who works at a video store part-time nails you in the cream dispenser. Ouch, that’s gotta sting!

Brett Favre’s pre-season practice has been shut down by a sore throwing shoulder. Said Favre, “I think it’s probably just tendinitis or something like that.” Clearly the Green Bay Packers have a new and effective way to deal with injuries – there’s no point in bringing a doctor in or any sort of ridiculous overreaction like that, just let your franchise quarterback sleep on it for a night and take a stab at a diagnosis himself. In case you were wondering, some of Brett’s treatments for “probably tendinitis” include gumbo ya-ya twice a day, putting into a beer glass, listening to a Blue Collar Comedy CD, Bit O’ Honey, spitting off a balcony and Jenga.