A-ROD: “I HAVE TOURETTE’S”
In a game last week, Yankees superstar Alex Rodriguez – running from second to third base on a pop fly - yelled at opposing infielder Howie Clark in an attempt to distract him. A-Rod claims he yelled “hah!”, but according to Clark, it was “mine!” Jeff Cez: ‘Hah!’ and ‘mine!’ in baseball? BIG difference. What is WRONG with A-Rod? Big star, ridiculous ability, but he roller coasters between three-homer games and Three Stooges games – trying to bitchslap a ball out of a guy’s glove, heckling infielders – it’s like he learned the game of baseball by watching only the first 27 minutes of “The Bad News Bears.”
1-976-STEELERS OPEN FOR BIZ
61-year-old Pittsburgh Steelers assistant Larry Zierlein accidentally emailed an explicit sex video to numerous NFL employees, including commissioner Roger Goodell. He was apparently just trying to forward it to another coach.Jeff Cez: Before you judge too harshly, remember - when it comes to computers, anybody over the age of 60 gets the benefit of the doubt. Once. The “My reading glasses were smudged and those ‘f’ keys are confusing” excuse is USED UP, Larry. Next time, you’re just a perv.
ACTUAL PIT BULL INFORMANTS IMPLICATE VICK
Virginia officials think they may have enough information now to go after Atlanta Falcons qb Michael Vick on illegal dogfighting charges.Jeff Cez: “Lassie? What’s wrong, Lassie? What’s that, girl? There’s a bunch of dogs trapped on a famous athlete’s property? And he makes them fight each other on weekends because he’s an IDIOT who has no clue how good he has it? Timmy, grab my bitch slap gloves and jump in the pick up! Lassie, lead the way, girl!”
SOME SORT OF TENNIS THING IS GOING ON
At press deadline, all but two Americans had already been eliminated from the French Open tennis tournament.Jeff Cez: Ouch. I haven’t heard anything that pathetic since David Hasselhoff’s half-naked burger munch-cryfest. Where’s all the good ol’ American, pissed off 17-year-old Long Island yachting tycoon heirs blasted up on Creotine and wielding a tennis racket like a Benihana chef? They’re too busy dating Lindsey Lohan and working as camera assistants on Joe Francis “film” shoots.
