SIX LIONS POPPED FOR 'NITTANYIN' ALL UP IN IT'
Six Penn State football players were arrested for a variety of assault charges after starting a melee at a party in response to a perceived insult of one of the players’ girlfriends.Jeff Cez: What?! Arrested?! You mean to tell me you can't get drunker than Courtney Love on a JetBlue tarmac and misinterpret a stranger's 2am Vicodin-and-Absolut glance at your girlfriend anymore? You can't then go get a half-dozen of your creotine latte buddies from the football team to go turn a bunch of Ikea furniture into kindling in some poor bastard's off-campus apartment anymore? What the hell is college coming to? Come on, let the kids have a little fun.
ROSIE O'DONNELL HEADING OVER TO 'PTI'
After a tumultuous year on 'The View,' Rosie O'Donnell is leaving the show to pursue other projects.Jeff Cez: ESPN, here's your chance! Rosie instigates the kind of brouhahas that makes Ultimate Fighters flinch. Come on, let her fill in for Wilbon, just to see fear shudder through Tony Kornheiser like barium dye. Better yet, let her host 'Round The Horn' – no one really knows what the hell that show is, so Rosie would at least give it some sizzle!
JORDAN'S SON TO PLAY AT ILLINOIS
Jeff Jordan, Michael Jordan's son, announced he will walk on this fall with the basketball team at the University of Illinois.Jeff Cez: Folks, say what you will about the advantages of growing up rich, but this here is pressure unlike you or I will ever have to know. Playing hoops as MJ's kid is right up there with, "Ya, I'm Glen Pavarotti, I'm hear to sing in the choir," and, "Hi, I'm Ted Astaire, where is the dance department?"
DEFENSE DEPT. DEFENSE: "OH, THAT PAT TILLMAN!"
The Defense Department has now been accused of a coverup in the death of former NFLer Pat Tillman, killed by friendly fire in Afghanistan.Jeff Cez: Dubya still thinks it's WW II and you send every obit to the Karl Rove writers' bloc for a quick PR rewrite. Word of advice - when we get a war as noble as WW II, you're off the chain, but til then, quit putting everything through the "Leave It To Beaver" punch-up room. We're a big country now, we can take the truth.
