BUTKUS SUES OWN AWARD
Linebacking legend Dick Butkus sued the Downtown Athletic Club of Orlando, which has given out the Butkus Award to the outstanding collegiate linebacker for over 20 years. In 1985, Butkus agreed to let DAC-Orlando use his name but now claims they’re not doing a good enough job raising money for charitable or commercial purposes.Jeff Cez: Get outta here – Orlando has a downtown? Do they mean “Downtown Disney?” Because the largest grouping of big buildings in Orlando is the high-end outlet mall next to the waterpark that’s right behind the extremely large meth lab.
HORSES MAY SHOOT UP WITH ROLLING STONES
A racecourse in Belgrade, Serbia, may sedate 300 horses in its stables to keep them calm during an upcoming scheduled Rolling Stones concert there. Serb animal lovers have protested.Jeff Cez: Okay, first – I’m sure the Bosnians are thinking,
“We’re only seven years removed from a civil war with these Serb bastards who raped our women and carved up our skulls like Halloween pumpkins on world TV, and you’re telling me they’ve already got Serb ‘animal lovers?’ How about starting with some Serb ‘people lovers’?”
LI’L ROMEO TO BUST A CAP IN TRAVELER'S ASS
Rapper Li’l Romeo, now a junior at a Beverly Hills high school, has orally committed to attend Southern Cal on a basketball scholarship.Jeff Cez: It’s tragic but true – for a lot of these kids, basketball is the only way out of the hardscrabble world of …uh… major-label rap. How scary is the rap world getting when one of its biggest young stars decides, “I better change over to something safe and stable, like a shot at the NBA.” I hear he’s got a shot, too, and if ref Joey Crawford thought he caught an earful from Tim Duncan, wait til Romeo drops a chorus on him.
NFL 'CONTROL FREAK' DIVISION FINES URLACHER
The NFL Nazi Panzer Division fined Chicago Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher $100,000 for wearing a ball cap on Super Bowl media day with a product logo on it that was not authorized by the league.Jeff Cez: Wow, when it comes to anal-retentive control issues, these NFL guys’ll give the Vatican a run for its money. I guarantee they’ve figure out a way to turn a profit from the steamy entrails of a cow killed to make footballs.
