MAJERUS EATS RECE DAVIS
Portly ESPN basketball analyst and former coach Rick Majerus appears to have gained weight since last year.Jeff Cez: You don’t see Rick poppin’ up in that pansy-ass Dan Marino weight loss commercial. Guys in Chicago look at Rick and say, “Now dat dere is a good-lookin’ guy!” That’s his key though: you know you can believe everything he says because he’s definitely spent the last four months sitting in a barcalounger watching hoops 14 hours a day. HE HAS PROOF – that 600-pound diving bell hanging from his torso.
QUEEN , BEARD TO ATTEND DERBY
Queen Elizabeth II and hubby Prince Philip will attend this year’s Kentucky Derby.Jeff Cez: Can’t wait to see them jostled by the top 20 ReMax Midwest realtors and their spouses on their fortieth mint julep since dawn. I don’t care how much plexiglass you put between her Highness and the peasants, eventually someone will shout, “Hey lady, shouldn’t you be IN the race?!” and then you’ll see Prince Philip pretend he didn’t hear it.
POPE ENVY:DON KING'S HAIR
Don King had a visit with Pope Benedict XVI and gave him a green and gold boxing belt. Jeff Cez: The Pope immediately sold it and invested in commercial real estate in China. Don was hoping to use the Papal balcony to announce his newest bout between bantam fleaweights Nestor “The Painful Sliver” Cazales and Italy’s own Attilio “Buzzicato” Scornovacca, which King has dubbed “The Torrents in Florence.”
'CAR OF TOMORROW' MAY GIVE WAY TO 'CAR OF DAY AFTER TOMORROW'
NASCAR debuted its ‘Car Of Tomorrow’ at the Bristol Motor Speedway in Tennessee this weekend. The standardized car features a front air dam splitter and an adjustable rear wing.Jeff Cez: Do we still get to paint the hood to look like the Milk Duds box or the Swiffer Mop or a roll of Mentos or the Waste Management, Inc. logo? I can’t believe the auto companies went along with this. Can’t wait for the “Pit Crew chief of tomorrow” – with a waistline under 42 inches and whatever belt buckle actually just came with the belt.
