SEAHAWKS TIGHT END NOT AS TIGHT AS THOUGHT
Seattle Seahawks tight end Jerramy Stevens was popped in Scottsdale, AZ, for DUI and possession of marijuana.Jeff Cez: Was the old way of spelling “Jeremy” confusing or not phonetically clear enough? “Jer – e – my.” I don’t really see any speed bumps there, but okay, that’s his parents’ albatross, not his. And you know, come to think of it - maybe it’s that stigma that forced him to drugs! Although, you’d think by now Cadillac would have a standard “dispersal chute” on all Escalades that feeds contraband into an advanced mulching fan that then blows the microscopic particles into the atmosphere.
BOOING AT GAMES VERBOTEN! SCHNELL!
Washington state officials are considering a ban on abusive language at high school athletic contests that may include traditional booing. Jeff Cez: And will you be needing a wake up call, Mr. Goebbels? Look, none of us is comfortable when a 41-year-old dude who’s angry because he’s still a pool cleaner driving a Suzuki Samurai takes it out on a 16-year-old point guard who blew the front end of a one-and-one because his girlfriend found somebody new online. But eliminate booing? Next up – “Pep band trumpets must use mutes.”
PUNTER PLEADS NOT GUILTY, BLAMES 'WHITTLING SPASM'
Northern Colorado backup punter Mitch Cozad has pled not guilty to stabbing starting punter Rafael Mendoza in the thigh in an attempt to get the starting job. Cozad’s lawyer said he’s open to discussing a plea agreement.Jeff Cez: Okay, cool… …but dude, then why did you stab Mendoza in the thigh? Because, you definitely stabbed him in the thigh. Is this the “Ricky Bobby” defense? Wow. Imagine where the reserve long snapper would’ve stabbed the starting long snapper.
DOGWHACKER GETS HEAVE-HO
Two-time Iditarod runner-up Ramy Brooks was disqualified for spanking his dogs with a stick when they refused to run over a slick stretch of ice.Jeff Cez: It may be time for this sport to go the way of the Civil War Re-enactment. Just because dogs used to do this duty doesn’t mean it has to survive – There’s no “Iowa Oxen Plow Team Invitational” or “Kansas Jackass Grist Mill Wheel Turning Championships.” Dogs have morphed into animals that provide companionship or help get chicks – get used to it, Alaska, and fire up the Polaris.
