BUCKEYES, JAYHAWKS CAN HOLD GRADUATION IN KEY SHOP
Ohio State and Kansas, two of the NCAA Tourney’s number one seeds, graduate only roughly 10% of their basketball players.Jeff Cez: HBO’s acclaimed “RealSports” just did a story on the amazing job Bo Ryan has done at Wisconsin, graduating 70% of his players and becoming a model for other major conference schools looking to do things the right way. Then, Wisconsin went out and got their paint stripped by OSU, 66-49 Sunday in the Big Ten final. So, maybe the jury’s still out on how smart the whole “smart thing” really is. I’m kidding, kind of. So get a degree, you ballin’ youngsters, ‘cause most of you aren’t headed for the NBA, you’re not even headed for Italy, you’re headed for the Customer Service desk at Circuit City.
ANGLE OF CAPS MAY HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH GLOBAL WARMING
On CBS’s NCAA Tournament Selection special Sunday, cutaway after cutaway of cheering teams from various schools showed players and fans wearing baseball-style caps at the fashionable slanted angle.Jeff Cez: Before you start ranting on fashion, I have it on good authority from a limo driver for a security detail working for the rap music industry that cap angle is not just some inexplicable style choice, it’s the rotation of the sun and the constant changing angles of dangerous UV rays. Often, the left ear is the most vulnerable to dangerous sun exposure and has to be given special visor protection, especially between 1pm and 3pm.
ILLEGAL FIREWORKS COUNCIL UNVEILS FINAL FOUR SPECIALS
The lobby group for the illegal fireworks industry, the Illegal Fireworks Council, held a press conference and demonstration behind an abandoned silo in western Kansas of this year’s products specially designed for the NCAA Tourney. Among the most popular were the “Vitale-ic Metalic,” a pear-shaped rocket with a bald top and all the explosives in the sides, and the “Nantz-tucket,” a mild, spinning pinwheel that takes several minutes to peter out. The council is in charge of re-defining fireworks so they’re “not just for 4th of July anymore.”
