DALLAS GOES WITH SAME BODY TYPE, HIRES PHILLIPS
The Dallas Cowboys hired veteran defensive coordinator Wade Phillips as their new head coach this week.Jeff Cez: All of Bill Parcells’ sweatsuits should fit Wade, and he kind of has the same waddle, which means the shoes’ll slip right on like a damn glass slipper. The office furniture won’t have to be altered for girth dimension, either. And hell, Jerry Jones can use the money he saves to drive down to Mexico for TO’s medication.
ITALY SHOWS SOCCER FANS WHO'S BOSS
The Italian government forced many of its major soccer venues to hold contests without fans in the stands until the venues met stiff safety measures.Jeff Cez: My God, where are Italians going to go to get drunk and argue loudly? Dizgracia!!
MIGHT AS WELL DUMP! GO AHEAD, DUMP!
Former Indiana Pacer Stephen Jackson claims he fired his gun at a nightclub melee only after someone shouted, “Go ahead and dump, dump!” Said Jackson, “where I come from, ‘dump’ means pull out your gun and shoot.”Jeff Cez: I’m from Wisconsin, and where I come from, “dump” means, “Go ahead and poop.” Even on “CSI,” “dump” means throw the gun away, not fire it. Maybe the guy was just singing Van Halen’s classic, “Go Ahead, JUMP?” Guess not. Looks like I’ll have to listen to more gangsta rap just so I can get to my car safely.
ILLIN’ IN PHILLY
Eagles’ coach Andy Reid will take a leave of absence to deal with family issues. Reid’s son Garrett recently tested positive for heroin and his son Britt was arraigned on drug and weapons charges.Jeff Cez: Wow. Reid must long for the days when he could get worked up over TO sticking something in his sock. Might be time to bring in super sub dad… Jeff Garcia!
