With a late surge from Captain Lisa Marie Nowak, the Naval Academy easily beat out the Air Force and Army for the Service Academies’ prestigious Wacko Award. The Army had been on a hot streak beginning with that nut job vet and his kid who were shooting people out of the trunk of their car five years ago all the way up to Abu Ghraib. But the Navy stayed close this year and “blasted” past the competition thanks to Nowak, the astronaut and married mother of three who drove 900 miles from Houston to Orlando in a Depends undergarment solely to confront a fellow female astronaut she believed to be a rival for the affections of yet another astronaut with whom Nowak insisted she had “more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship.” Even Dr. Phil doesn’t know what that means! Nowak had an air pistol, steel mallet, knife, pepper spray, four feet of rubber tubing, latex gloves and garbage bags. She was either building a meth lab or completely wacked out of her skull.

The San Diego Chargers waited until the inky black of Lincoln’s Birthnight to unceremoniously dump head coach Marty Schottenheimer. Schottenheimer got along with Chargers’ GM A.J. Smith about as well as Isaiah Washington and Isaac Mizrahi. One of them had to go, and, well, Smith writes the checks, so no need to wake the “CSI” crew on this one. Schottenheimer was de-bolted late Monday and his grandchildren are already looking forward to hearing their names coupled with the phrase “quality time” often over the next several Sportscenters. Schottenheimer won over 200 NFL games yet never won “the big one.” This may be a good time to point out that A.J. Smith has coached no wins and has only watched “the big one” on a rear-projection TV.