FOX ‘MACHINE MAN’ MASCOT BEATEN SENSELESS
Fox’s NFL coverage continues to feature an animated robotic “player” with exaggerated metal musculature as part of its graphics package.Jeff Cez: What is WRONG with people? How is this douche-bot helping me enjoy football? It looks like an armadillo and a Jeep had a kid. Hey, I’ve got an idea – how about canning Robo-Dude and using the money on another flyin’ gyro-rocket cam thingie? I love those.
DOLPHINS TO BE COACHED BY DOLPHINS
In the wake of Nick Saban’s departure, no word yet on who Wayne Huizenga will hire as new coach of the Miami Dolphins.Jeff Cez: How about an actual dolphin? They’re supposed to be pretty bright, and I mean, how tough can it be to design a 3-4 defense? Get a little tank on the sideline and work out a system of “acks” from the dolphin that mean different things. I guarantee you within three years Nick Saban will steal the dolphin as his new D-coordinator... I'm tempted to say, at Alabama, but Lord knows where Saban will be by then.
FLORIDA CELEBRATES BCS WIN
Urban Meyer’s Florida Gators celebrated their upset of Ohio State in the BCS championship game with a parade and party in Gainesville this weekend.Jeff Cez: In the third quarter when for some reason the Buckeyes still couldn't figure out how to cover THE TIGHT END ON AN EIGHT YARD BUTTON - which I'm pretty sure Wally taught the Beaver no later than episode #3 - I told my wife, "you can turn it to that design show now if you want." I’m not sure what a Buckeye is, but whatever it is, it must move really slow! Hats off, Gators.
FUJIKAWA EMBARRASSES ALL OTHER TEENS EVERYWHERE
16-year-old golf sensation Todd Fujikawa topped an incredible week at the Sony Open with a birdie on the last hole to finish in a tie for 20th.Jeff Cez: At 16 I was throwing butterknives at pillows on our living room couch for the hell of it and when I missed way wide left and gouged a chunk of plaster out of the wall I re-positioned a lamp and prayed no one would notice because we never actually used the ‘living’ room. That was me at 16. How 'bout you?
