The San Diego Chargers lost to – check that – handed victory on a black velvet display pillow stolen from Harry Winston’s jewelry counter - to the New England Patriots Sunday, 27-24. And you know something? The supposedly cursed Marty “most victories without a Super Bowl appearance” Schottenheimer is officially OFF THE HOOK on this one, baby. The Chargers screwed this up all on their own. Schottenheimer and his staff outcoached the legendary Bill Belichick, out-schemed, out-maneuvered, and out-called maybe the best game coach in the biz. And before you send the looney bin for me, just remember, two flatline-stupid penalties, two moronic moves of which the writers on “ My-Name-Is-Earl” would say, “that’s too stupid for even Earl to do,” two personal foul penalties AFTER THE WHISTLE on what had been SUCCESSFUL CHARGER PLAYS totally cost them the game. But the offending players will be forgotten and Marty’s legacy will drag this loss to the Hall Of Fame with it. His statue at the Hall should have an albatross around its neck with these players’ names on it. Next time you get screwed out of something, you’ve officially been Schottenheimered, my friend.

Mark McGwire’s history of steroid abuse kept him so far out of the Baseball Hall Of Fame he actually finished under Tatum O’Neal in the voting, but that’s exactly the kind of dysfunctional, abusive behavior the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland is looking for! And so McGwire will be inducted into the R&R Hall with a class that also features Van Halen, R.E.M. and Grandmaster Flash. McGwire’s exhibit will feature a mannequin of him with eyeblack and a needle in his arm listening on headphones to a Stone Temple Pilots CD and nodding out on the bench. It will be located between an exhibit featuring Vince Neal marrying his third and fourth wives and one showing Styx members grooming their mustaches.