“Hey folks – Sportalicious! managing editor Chet Waterhouse here! About ready for a little break from whatever in Sam Hill your in-laws are prattling on about? Then take a gander at these predictions! Sponsored by Knitways Expandabelt Funnelpants – Pour Any Belly Into A Pair of Knitways! Ohhhhhh brother, Have a great holiday break!” – Chet

ARMED FORCES BOWL
Loser has to be re-assigned to Iraq.
Utah 31 – Tulsa 17

HOLIDAY BOWL
So named because you’ll be taking a Holiday from this game by halftime.
Cal 38 – Texas A&M 31

SUN BOWL
Loser must help build the wall on the U.S./Mexico border.
Oregon State 36 – Missouri 20

LIBERTY BOWL
So named because they’re not “at liberty” to tell you this one’s gonna suck.
South Carolina 27 – Houston 16

INTERNATIONAL BOWL
Yes, nothing says “international” like a game between Cincinnati and Western Michigan.
WMU 33 – Cincy 26

ORANGE BOWL
Louisville vs. Wake Forest? Put the Fox network execs on suicide watch, the ratings for this may be lower than “Til Death.”
Louisville 44 – Wake Forest 35

It’s official – the Cincinnati Bengals now have more people in legal hot water than the Bush Administration. The Bengals tally is up to eight and in fact, the front office is trying to engineer a trade with the Chicago Bears to obtain Tank Johnson and push the total to nine. The traditional orange jumpsuit distributed to prisoners across this great land of ours will now be modified to include asymmetric black stripes so that the suits may more closely resemble the Bengals’ helmets and uniform stripes. Nicholas Cage is rumored to be developing a movie script in which he plays a Bengal who escapes with several other Bengals during a routine prison transfer and then makes amends to society by saving Christmas.