“Look at Jay’s chin and tell me he’s not juicin’!” So began the “Tonight Show” appearance of beleaguered Tour de France winner Floyd Landis last week, whose sparring with host Jay Leno was so contentious there are unofficial reports Leno actually raised his head from his notes during the interview on several occasions to look Landis straight in the eye. Landis could barely contain himself backstage through Leno’s tight 31-minute monologue and then burst onto the set when Jay introduced him, hurling insults from the gitgo. He said “everyone knew” large chins and salt and pepper hair like Jay’s were signs of testosterone abuse and “why don’t the French look into that?! Noooo! They come after ME!” He also accused both of Leno’s other guests, Kenny G and 97-year-old Lin Fong, the oldest seafood fileter at San Francisco’s Fisherman’s Wharf, of steroid abuse. Said Leno afterwards, ”Let’s see that little dipstick windbag stay on a Harley for more than a nanosecond! His eyes looked like a Hendrix poster from the ‘60s. That kid was higher than Mel Gibson at an open bar! I’d never have him on again if it weren’t for the fact we beat Letterman by 2 points. He’s booked back next Wednesday.”

Former Ohio State University running back Maurice Clarett was charged with possession of firearms after he led police on a high-speed chase last week. Clarett was finally pulled over and when his attempt at diffusing the incident by getting belligerent with the officers failed to work as he’d hoped, he was maced. The chemical irritant prevented Clarett from seeing police find guns in his SUV in virtually every possible storage place, including apparently the sunglasses nook, drink tray, Kleenex dispenser, glove box, beverage cooler, garage door opener and headrest. Oddly enough, the only place they didn’t find guns was in the gun rack. Clarett will undergo evaluations in jail to determine if he has any form of mental illness or if he just genuinely thinks he’s still the cat’s ass. Sportalicious Tip O’ The Week: You know you’re in rough shape when JIM BROWN can’t slap any sense into you.