Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen has won one of the most prestigious creative awards in the country, the Redd Foxx Colorful Language award given annually by the University of Nevada-Las Vegas. Guillen won with a tremendous performance down the stretch that even Chris Rock referred to as "a m*%$f*%#in' assf%$ from a c*%s*&%#in' major pro$#@%a$$#*%... and I mean that sincerely." UNLV officials said Guillen clinched it when he recently called Chicago Tribune sports reporter Jay Mariotti a derogatory term for gay, sarcastically referred to Buck Showalter as the greatest manager ever, berated his own pitcher Sean Lacey for not retaliating in a brushback exchange, ripped New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez for debating which country to play for at the World Baseball Classic, and exchanged heated words with form Sox infielder Magglio Ordonez. UNLV officials said the last run of colorful language that consistent was probably Eddie Murphy's "Raw," and in fact Guillen is shopping around for an HBO special of his own.

After several modifications including bermuda shorts, a beanie and a color change to a softer pastel, Germany's world cup mascot, Karl The Spinnin' fan, has proven to be a huge hit with anyone too young to remember World War Two, any younger people who went to really crappy public schools, and anyone with any form of memory loss, frontal lobe problems, synapse misfire or general cortex damage. Cuddly stuffed versions of Karl have been flying off the shelves at all German World Cup outlets and a special 'pinwheel' version that spins in the wind has been spotted on an increasing number of quaint Bavarian cottage front lawns. Little suction-cup flags with the mascot on them have also been spotted, stuck to the front fenders of old, long, intimidating sedans. It is however, recommended that the Karl The Spinnin' Fan beachtowel NOT be dried by hanging it over a balcony rail but rather tumble-dried on a delicate setting.