STUDENT PAPER ANTI ANTI-TUBBY SMITH AD
The University of Kentucky student newspaper, the Kentuck Kernel, rejected a $1,700 ad from a group looking to dump hoops coach Tubby Smith after what it considered a "subpar" 22-13 season last year.Jeff sez: Oh yeah, 22-13, call an emergency meeting of the regents! The dude is 241-71 career and they lost to Connecticut by 4 or they would've been in the Sweet 16 last year for the tenth time in 12 seasons, so clearly - the attention-starved Dump Tubby guys are out of ideas and thing this might somehow help them get laid. But by the same token, student paper dweebs - turning down a $1700 ad? Are you NUTS?! That's the Spring semester bong party in one shot!
HENIN-HARDENNE WINS FRENCH OPEN BY A HYPHEN
Belgian Justine Henin-Hardenne won the French Open over Russian Svetlana Kuznetsova. Jeff sez: Hardenne trailed Kuznetsova midway through the title match by one syllable but rallied to win by a hyphen. Despite even the second useless 'n' in her last name, Hardenne trailed in consonants as well, 11 to 8, but the brilliant stroke of a hyphen created essentially three names, allowing Hardenne to win on a searingly hot day at Roland Garros stadium. The weather was not particularly hot, but thousands of French fans had packed the stadium and ordered tray after tray of garlic escargot from roving vendors. Their breath caused temperatures on the famous red clay court to soar above 120 degrees.
BENGALS CHALLENGE REDSKINS FOR PART ON "COPS"
Cincinnati Bengals rookie linebacker A.J. Nicholson was arrested on felony charges of grand theft and burglary for breaking into a Florida State teammate's room, while running back Chris Henry - who was nailed twice already earlier this year on weapons charges - got pinched a third time, this one for drunken driving.Jeff sez: Wow, mini-camp is clearly getting in the way of pressing criminal activities. How dare the Bengals schedule workouts when both of these guys need to be in training for the Gunrunning Olympics and the Source Awards? I wonder if Henry was drunk enough to buy a hot stereo from Nicholson.
WILLIAMS FINDS JOB, LOWER POT PRICES IN TORONTO
Suspended Miami Dolphins running back Ricky Williams has found a home this year with the Toronto Argonauts and will start for them this week in the CFL opener.
Jeff sez: Now, how's THIS gonna work?! He's been suspended for marijuana use, so he goes to play football in Canada where pot is a table condiment and a hay bale of the stuff runs about $7 American dollars. Look for Ricky to fill out his CFL drug suspension in the Arena League next year. Hopefully, Berkeley won't get an Arena team in the interim.
