REDSKIN POLICE BLOTTER
Former Washington Redskin Tim Smith, who ran for a record 204 yards in the 'Skins 1988 Super Bowl win, was sentenced to 2 and 1/2 years in prison for cocaine distribution, while, current 'Skin safety Sean Taylor plea bargained down to 18 months probation, a fine and community service for assault charges that could have netted him 46 years in prison.Jeff sez: I'm sure with records like that they'll have jobs as lobbyists in no time.
ESCOBAR GETS $28.5MIL FROM ANGELS
Kelvim Escobar, 5-5 with a 3.96 ERA, was signed by the Los Angeles Angels to a new three-year deal totalling over $28 million dollars.Jeff sez: Okay, Escobar's a good guy, a solid teammate and team player. But wow, when did guys like this who are essentially .500 W-L career with 4.0 ERA start makin' $9mil a year?! Yowsa! I'm pretty sure just 15 years ago these were the kind of stats that got you labeled "spot starter" or "wiley journeyman." I guess the 20-year-old phenom train ran out of coal. Wow, there's got to be a ton of former .500 pitchers out there from the '70s and '80s, sitting on a single Suzuki dealership or dusty little liquor store, who must grab the Costco-sized Pepto-Bismol every time they read something like this.
HOOPS COACH GETS 3-SECOND LANE VIOLATION
West Virginia basketball coach John Beilein was cited by Pittsburgh airport police for disorderly conduct after they claimed he refused to remove his car from a white zone and told the officer he didn't have to move because he was the Mountaineer coach. Beilein, from a family of police officials, claims he was loading family luggage and was trying to comply.Jeff sez: I'm with Beilein regardless of which story is true. Airport cops are drunk with power! They've got me so rattled when my wife comes to pick me up I feel like I'm on Supermarket Sweep and gotta jam my bags in the car in 15 seconds or less. Could we please catch Bin Laden and get the Arab world to see the insanity of the radical fringe Islamists and de-empasize oil in favor of non-fossil fuel so that I and you and John Beilein could freakin' RELAX in the damn white zone?
MIZERAK RACKED
Legendary billiards champ Steve Mizerak, 61, died of complications from gall bladder surgery. "The Miz" won four U.S. Open championships. He was a former public school history teacher.Jeff Sez: Le Miz will be Mizzed - the perfect example of how a good personality can jack a "minor" sport into the public eye - talent, moxie and a sense of humor. All other sports wallowing in the shallow end should find their Mizerak. In fact, I propose immortalizing Miz by using his name as a verb - Soccer should get Mizeraked. And what about having Miz as your teacher! - "The Americans banked off of Omaha Beach and kissed the Germans straight into the corner pocket, rack 'em!"
DUTCH STICK WOODEN SHOE UP REAR OF FRENCH ANTI-ARMSTRONG CLAIMS
An independent Dutch investigator cleared 7-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong of doping allegations leveled by a French newspaper, stating the testing fell so short of scientific standards it was irresponsible to say they "constitute evidence of anything."Jeff sez: Wow, first "The Da Vinci Code," now this. The French can't get anything right this summer. Strong at grapes, weak at sour grapes. Let's see how much they hate Lance after this year's Tour scores a .031 TV rating and gets shifted to the 3am slot on the Bloomberg channel.
