SCHWARZENEGGER WANTS TWO NFL TEAMS IN LA, FANS WANT BETTER SCHOOLS FIRST
California governor Arnold Shwarzenegger told the NFL owners last week that after an 11-year absence, he would push for not one but two NFL franchises in Los Angeles.Jeff sez: Oh yeah, we're rioting in the streets to have the NFL back here. How about gas prices those of us who aren't Spielberg can afford? How about teaching English in the schools? How about a border less porous than coral coupled with an amnesty program not run by some white guys in Washington who haven't seen a latino since Cheech and Chong's "Up In Smoke?" How about lettin' the cops just dump a sandbag from an overpass onto the next idiot who starts a highway chase? Car chase = $100,000, sandbag = 60 cents. "Bringing NFL back to LA" is right under "upgrade flea market parking" on most Angelenos priority lists.
DE LA HOYA IMPRESSIVE IN WIN OVER HAND-PICKED DRUNK NICARAGUAN
Oscar de la Hoya returned to the ring after a two-year layoff with an impressive 6th round TKO over wild man Ricardo Mayorga Saturday in Las Vegas.Jeff sez: Oscar looked awesome, full of fire, but... De la Hoya handpicked Mayorga for his comeback fight and the Nicaraguan fit the niche nicely by A) chain-smoking and drinking as part of his training, B) insulting not only de la Hoya but his wife and kid as well, and C) kind of sucking in the ring. There will be talk of de la Hoya versus Floyd Mayweather Jr. now. Should be a great fight, especially if Mayweather starts pounding White Owls and Milwaukee's Best.
NOT JUST DUBYA: REGGIE BUSH HAS TROUBLE WITH HOUSE, TOO
Investor Michael Michaels claims Reggie Bush's family has failed to pay a full year's rent - $54,000 - on a house he owns in Spring Valley, California. The legal trouble could lead to Bush being declared ineligible and USC having to relinquish its '04 title.Jeff sez: Yes, it could be tragic and stupid, blah blah blah - but I guarantee you any Californian reading this is thinking only one thing - "12 into 54 - damn, that's only $4500 a month! MapBlast that bastard immediately! How's the school system in Spring Valley?! Quick, quick, HURRY or they'll sell out from under us! Dammit! I'll even take the one 'model home' that has every single potential buyer from the last four months' germs in it! Get in the car baby, we have to go up there NOW!"
