UCLA'S AFFLALO AND FARMAR SPRINT TO PROS
UCLA Bruins' stars Jordan Farmar and Arron Afflalo have both declared their eligibility for the NBA draft this week.Jeff Sez: After Joaquin Noah and the Florida Gators beat 'em up for 40 minutes like one of Mo'Nique's skinny boyfriends, I'm guessing 20 or 30 games a year against the Portlands and Atlantas of the world will seem like the Pac-10 again.
ST. BONAVENTURE: PATRON SAINT OF SETTLED LAWSUITS
Gothard Lane, former athletic director at St. Bonaventure, settled a defamation lawsuit against the school this week, a year after former hoops coach Jan Van Breda Kolff settled a wrongful dismissal suit.
Jeff sez: The school apparently tried to play "pin the tail on the Gothard" over a juco transfer with bad paper - that in fact Lane had warned the school about. Boy, when them Jesuits want to play rough, they make Hollywood look like an after-school special. On to the real news: 'Gothard?' Wow, he's either really black or really white. I know I could Google this and find out, but I'm betting really white. I nominate Rob Lowe to play him in the ESPN movie, "Nothing Bonaventured - Nothing Gained."
JETS' HOUSTON OKAY AFTER HE DONE MESSED UP
New York Jets' running back Cedric Houston was injured in a one-car accident late Friday night but was treated and released with only minor cuts and bruises.Jeff Sez: Since when did gettin' tipsy with a bud, then whippin' up an embankment and slammin' into a tree stump become a "one-car accident?!" That is brilliant. You know that would've never worked for any of us - "Yeah, dad? Uhh, I was involved in a 'one-car accident' and took out the headlight and--" Whack. G'night.
CUBS' LEE OUT SIX WEEKS; BARTMAN SPOTTED AT URINAL
The Chicago Cubs lost their biggest power threat last week when a runner collided with first baseman Derrek Lee; the collision broke Lee's wrist.Jeff sez: Is the Devil this bored that he can't find another team to destroy? The Cubs haven't even been in the World Series since 1945, and even that doesn't count - 1945, most able-bodied American men were off fighting WW II - lepers were playing professional baseball. "Line shot - Ouch! That took his hand off!"
