A group of Kenyans led by a guy named "Robert" and then something unpronouncable once again swept to victory in both the men's and women's divisions at the Boston Marathon Monday. The Kenyans ran here from Nairobi last Friday, going straight across the desert to the west coast of Africa, up the shoreline to Morocco, running in place on a ferry across the Straits of Gibraltar to Spain, through Europe, across Russia, over the Aleutian land bridge, diagonally across Alaska and then most of Canada, through Toronto customs where they were briefly detained and forced to pass their running shoes through an x-ray machine, and then across New York State and into New England, where they arrived late Saturday night. The Kenyans slept about 40 minutes and ate some pumpkin seeds, then once again ran the entire 26-mile marathon with smiles on their faces. All this despite much ballyhooing that this would be the year the Americans would reclaim victory at Boston. Of course, recent studies conducted at Johns Hopkins have shown that ballyhooing takes less effort than actually running. And much of the ballyhooing was due to the fact that America now possesses its own Kenyan, Meb Something-Unpronouncable, who easily snagged citizenship papers and now gets his Starbucks card punched like the rest of us. Ah well. I'm sure Americans will sweep the Kenya Boogie Board Championships later this month.

After suffering chest pains and dizziness, New York Knicks coach Larry Brown was rushed to Sardi's Top O' Manhattan hospital last week and admitted on matinee prices with what doctors could only describe as an attack of "You're Coaching The New York Knicks." Brown was given fluids and shown tapes of the San Antonio Spurs. Staff pyschologists also gave Brown an extensive questionnaire, the results of which are intended to determine exactly why anyone would want to coach the New York Knicks and especially Brown, who should really be tying flies at the end of a boat launch in North Carolina and fishing with his grandkids from a solid gold yacht insulated with his vast piles of money. The closest medical researchers have come to this disease in the past was a strain of the virus known as "How Did I Get Into The Kansas City Royals Dugout?"