BADGERS WIN MEN'S, WOMEN'S HOCKEY CROWNS, AWAIT NEXT WEEK'S ANIMAL HOCKEY TOURNEY!
The University of Wisconsin became the first team ever to capture the men's and women's Division I hockey titles in the same year when the men beat Boston College 2-1 Saturday night.
Jeff sez: And not a one of 'em hired a stripper and then assaulted her. If you've visited here before, you know I'm a Badger freak, so this is especially sweet. And to those who say it's a minor sport, well, two things: 1 - you lace 'em up and try a rink-long rush without getting decapitated - and that's by the women's team, and 2 - you try living through decade after decade in which the hoops team started five white guys, the football team lost to Indiana 3-Zip on its own homecoming and you had to live with quotes like this one from our kickoff returner: "If I hadn't have gotten caught from behind, I woulda gone all the way." You watch that crap for seven semesters and then suddenly discover a winning hockey team on campus, a fact that saves your college rooting career and gets you laid, and then tell me it's a "minor" sport. It's a major ass-kicking achievement.
SURVEY: RACISTS STRUGGLE TO REMEMBER WHO RUTH WAS
Several black activists insist that the media's scrutiny of Barry Bonds' potential steroid abuse is racially motivated because white people can't handle the fact Bonds is on the verge of passing Babe Ruth into second place on the all-time homer list.
Jeff sez: Nothing like playing the race card, gents, and it turns out to be a 3 of clubs. Attention black activists: do you realize there's 70-year-old racists who can't remember who Babe Ruth is? To anybody under the age of 40, the name's not even a CANDY BAR anymore! For most Americans, "Babe" is the pig in that movie they saw when they were kids. Nobody cares if Bonds passes Babe Ruth, because Hank Aaron is the home run king and 755 is the number to beat and people either want to see Bonds beat it or admit he rubs pure polar bear testosterone right on his gums every morning. Or both.
DUKE LAWYER: STRIPPER 'IMPAIRED' WHEN SHE GOT TO PARTY!
An attorney for one of the members of the Duke Blue Devils' lacrosse team insists photos taken when an exotic dancer arrived at a wild party show she was already bruised and unstable, negating her claim she was raped later that evening by several members of the team.Jeff sez: Now where the hell are the black activists when you NEED them?! How directionless is this country when black activists can't even pick the right battle to fight?! Screw Babe Ruth, how about jumpin' in and helping a Hot Babe about to get railroaded?! Does this NC lawyer seriously think this evidence is gonna HELP his clients? Even if it's true, all it means is: 1 - the lacrosse players are so dense and drunk they couldn't even get it together to hire a sober stripper, and 2 - they potentially took advantage of a woman who was thoroughly drunk, impaired and completely unable to defend herself. This is a travesty.
