The Philadelphia Eagles have officially sent All-Pro wideout Terrell Owens to his room for an indefinite timeout, in the process revoking Owens' television, Tivo, cell phone and X-Box privileges for at least one week. Owens cannot sit on the window ledge of his room and talk to his buddies either, and his email will be monitored by Andy Reid and his wife from the living room. In addition, Owens must only come downstairs for meals and cannot have the cat in his bedroom with him unless the door is open. Reid has also confiscated Owens' iPod and limited his in-bedroom snacks to trail mix and dried fruit. Owens cannot signal friends using a flashlight and Morse Code and the string on his tin can phone has been snipped. He must also finish 'The Great Gatsby' by next Tuesday. Eagles management suspended Owens after what they consider to be a string of acts detrimental to the team, including asking for more money, exhorting his teammates to play better, playing well himself, saying he wouldn't mind playing with Brett Favre, asking for yet more money and being the best athlete on his team. "Those are the kind of shenanigans that will tear a team apart," said a Philly sportswriter who asked to remain nameless but then who showed a gut the size of a diving bell and spewed vitriol at his own statman. For his part Owens has ceased supplying Andy Reid with free deep-dish pizza and stopped eating any variety of Campbell's Soup.

Clearly still upset at the events of two years ago and despite huge odds against him, University of Nebraska football coach Bill Callahan has vowed to perservere and continue his one-man effort to return Frank Solich to the Nebraska sidelines. Callahan started his individual crusade against the school's poor treatment of Solich immediately upon being hired to replace him. After insulting alumni, school administrators and several professors, Callahan refused to have his intense focus drawn away from the goal of finishing 6-6 and out of bowl contention his first season, no mean feat with the talent on that Nebraska sideline. Since then he's stepped up his 'Campaign For Solich' by ignoring off-field brouhahas involving his team, expertly gumming up his own playbook and losing to Kansas for the first time since back when cars didn't have those pesky seatbelts. Knowing he still needed a crowning stroke and despite stiff opposition, Callahan courageously stepped to the fore in the Oklahoma game and drew his finger across his throat, a slashing gesture he knew would finally bring national attention to his noble cause. Solich had no comment. But he was smiling at the time.