Television celebrity and supermodel Paris Hilton came to the defense of the beleaguered Minnesota Vikings this week as criticism rained down on the NFL team for its purported sex cruise on Lake Minnetonka. "I know what it's like being unjustly accused of sexual misconduct even though there's actual footage of me engaged in the lewd acts for which I was unjustly accused," said Hilton via satellite from the passenger seat of a Maserati belonging to some guy she'd just met. Hilton is having sex in seclusion after her recent breakup with Greek billionaire Paris Kasidokostas over an inability to hammer out a porn distribution deal. The Vikings are thrilled to have someone finally come to their defense. "We were doing absolutely nothing wrong, it's a media smear campaign," said a Viking player who was taking a short break from having sex with a female bass fishing guide on Lake Mille Lacs. "It's courageous of Paris to step forward and help us out. Do you have her number, incidentally? Give me her number. I'll crush your skull unless you give me her number." Only moments ago Hilton was given a position with the Vikings as Director of Player Satisfaction.