FAT DRIVER PROTESTS 100-POUND PATRICK
Race car driver Robbie Gordon said motorsport officials have to 'even the playing field' by adding weight to 100-lb rookie Danica Patrick's car, because lighter cars can run faster.JEFF SEZ: Yeah, I'm sure there was a 200-lb jockey back in the 1800s who thought he had an airtight argument too. In the meantime Robbie, take the occasional pass on the Shoney's dessert barge and try to get that gut back on the inside of your 'Robbie G' belt buckle.
VIKINGS SOLD TO SOME GUY FROM JERSEY???
Minnesota Vikings owner Red McCombs has officially sold the team to New Jersey businessman Zigmundt Wilf for $600mil.JEFF SEZ: How bad are your finances when a guy from Jersey - who's not even in the Mob - has enough money to buy your franchise? Oy. Sure, Red, sell it to the first guy who comes along with even a remotely 'viking'-sounding name. I guess since Randy Moss left, no one really loved Red like Red liked to be loved.
GIDDENS HAS 'UNSCHEDULED' SURGERY ON ACHILLES HEEL
Kansas hoopster J.R. Giddens allegedly provoked a fight outside a Lawrence, KS bar and got stabbed in the calf. He'll be out at least six weeks and possibly much more.JEFF SEZ: What happened to a good ol' fashioned drive-by shooting? Ah, these kids today with their knives and insults. Coach Self has to be thinking, "Where was this intensity when teeny freakin' Bucknell was bitch-slapping us out of the NCAA tourney?!"
BURRESS UNDER DURESS
According to a Pittsburgh-area township, former Steeler/now New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress owes them several thousand dollars in back taxes from when he resided in the township. Burress is contesting it.JEFF SEZ: Few Thou. I know it'll kill ya to keep the old spinning rims on the Bentley another week, but... Plax. Pay the tax. 'Cause you give the New York press this little pebble and they'll roll it til it's asteroid-sized by July.
WINSLOW APOLOGIZES; CLEVELAND DOESN'T ACCEPT
Kellen Winslow Jr., the Browns first round pick two years ago, apologized to fans and teammates for recklessly crashing his motorcycle, forcing him to miss this season after playing only two games due to a broken leg.JEFF SEZ: Dude, what are you thinkin'?! Do the honorable thing and wait til your 47 and fat and maybe even white to buy a bike! Then get one of those Harleys with truck tires and foam-insulated saddle bags that could dust off a Mini Cooper in a head-on without slipping gears. Because my friend, Cleveland is the Krispin Glover of cities, ready to snap at any provocation regarding its football team. Pull out a nice Playstation game, would ya? How 'bout a round of Yahtzee?
