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Tuesday, December 21, 2004



HEY ROOKIE!

Check out the archive and don't forget to bookmark this page!


LISTEN TO CHET!

Catch Chet every other Wed. on his flagship station, WKLH 96.5, on The Dave and Carol Show - Milwaukee's top morning show.


 Shocker: Legit Fantasy League On This Site!

 
  "You mean even I could win?"

Cheddar Falls, WI - Yeah, we can't believe it either! But click through here or on the banner ad at the top to play Sportalicious! Playoff Fantasy Football courtesy of the good folks at Sportsbuff.com. Of course we're gettin' help with it, where the hell would we get $2,000 grand prize money?! Let's try this in caps for those of you napping: TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS GRAND PRIZE just for creating your own pretend roster and then juggling professional numbnut athletes who don't even know you exist! Picking the hot QB, the tough running back, the monster D, crap you do EVERY DAY for hours while your boss thinks you're working on the Beamish file, now you could win TWO GRAND! We can't get these letters any more capitalized than that! We're at our legal limit of exclamation points! FIFTY MORE PRIZES! Try it, Sweet Jesus, you can't do worse than the San Francisco 49ers, and they're supposed to be professionals at this! It's PERFECT procrastination through the holidays too - "Uncle Ziff, I can't help you make the Czechoslovakian Strawberry Pork Puffs this year, I'm on my Blackberry trying to win TWO GRAND!" "Aunt Giva, I'd love to sing all the old Portugese Brothel songs with you but I've got to watch the Packers-Eagles game, I'm on the verge of winning TWO GRAND!" So click on over to Sportalicious! Playoff Fantasy Football now, courtesy of the good folks at Sportsbuff.com. Click-click. Win win. Bye!

The Wire
 
EXCLUSIVES!
Staff Holiday Recipe #3 - Chet!

Best Gratuitous '05 Photo Of Anna Kournikova!

Best Gratuitous '05 Photo Of Tiger Dame Elin Nordegren!
     

In "Bowl Names Secret History, Part I" last week, we reviewed the first fourteen bowls in this bowl season, or as we like to call them, "the crappy ones." Here now are the important bowls, played between Christmas and New Year's. And a couple days after.
EMERALD BOWL, San Francisco, CA, Dec. 30
Flagship effort by emerald industry determined to "kick diamonds' ass."
HOLIDAY BOWL, San Diego, CA, Dec. 30
Ironically, not on a holiday. ACLU is suing.
MUSIC CITY BOWL, Nashville, TN, Dec. 31
"Goober City" Bowl a close second.
SUN BOWL, El Paso, TX, Dec. 31
Small print in spanish on 50-yard-line sun logo says, "The Bowl To Watch Before You Go Out And Get Piss-Drunk!"
LIBERTY BOWL, Memphis, TN, Dec. 31
Mistakenly thought "Goober City" Bowl was taken.
PEACH BOWL, Atlanta, GA, Dec. 31
Other famous Georgia products, peanuts and Klansmen, "not as photogenic."
OUTBACK BOWL, Tampa, FL, Jan. 1
Rumored payola bribes helped Outback keep it from becoming Fuddrucker's Bowl or Bombay Bicycle Club Bowl.
COTTON BOWL, Dallas, TX, Jan. 1
Polyester and Fleece industries currently co-plaintiffs in case headed for Supreme Court.
GATOR BOWL, Jacksonville, FL, Jan. 1
"Flying Cockroach" Bowl thought "dicey" for female demographic.
CAPITAL ONE BOWL, Orlando, FL, Jan. 1
Formerly "Unmanageable Debt" Bowl.
ROSE BOWL, Pasadena, CA, Jan. 1
Hydrangia Council passes on bowl sponsorship in 1929; within thirteen years, all Council members commit suicide.
FIESTA BOWL, Tempe, AZ, Jan. 1
Experts thought original name, "Goldwater Was Twice The Man You'll Ever Be" Bowl, limited parade float themes too much.
SUGAR BOWL, New Orleans, LA Jan. 3
Get the magnifying glass -- "Bite Me, Nutrasweet," reads the engraving on spoon in all Sugar Bowl promo.
ORANGE BOWL, Miami, FL Jan. 4
Only bowl with special cleaning powers and zesty post-game scent. Billy Mays does all stadium PA announcements.



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