Sportalicious! AD
Tuesday, December 14, 2004



HEY ROOKIE!

Check out the archive and don't forget to bookmark this page!


LISTEN TO CHET!

Catch Chet every other Wed. on his flagship station, WKLH 96.5, on The Dave and Carol Show - Milwaukee's top morning show.


 BUNYAN ADMITS STERIOID USE!BALCO Put It In Cheese, Cocoa!Lunch With Bonds in SF Costly!Cream Turned Babe Blue!'I'm Not Gay!' Sez Paul!

 
  Right. You're not gay.

Round Lake, the Northwoods - Handsome lumberjack legend Paul Bunyan admitted in a teary-eyed press conference Sunday that he has been on steroids since a 1998 trip to the San Francisco Bay Area to log redwoods. "I ran into Barry Bonds at a Starbucks," said Bunyan, "and we started talking about what kind of grips and gloves we use, and he bought me a maple oat scone, which is my favorite, and..." At this point Bunyan sobbed lightly and paused to regain his composure and drink an oil tanker of de-caf coffee. Bunyan's lumber camp cook, Sourdough Sam, admitted to using a new seasoning labeled "Balc-oregano" in all the crew's and animals meals. Bunyan's top crew, The Seven Axemen, have each put on over 90 pounds of bicep muscle from Sourdough's meals, and now bicker and chest butt each other wildly while playing pinochle. Babe The Blue Ox has been sent to the Bovine wing of the Hazelden Clinic outside Minneapolis for detox, and Sport The Reversible Dog bit Ole the Blacksmith on the ass and had to be quarantined. Bunyan has always insisted that despite the fact he has never had a girlfriend, he is straight. "Yeah," he sighed dejectedly, "this is really gonna help get dates." He may be subject to sanctions and fines from the Terrifyingly Large Lumberjack Association.

The Wire
 
EXCLUSIVES!
Staff Holiday Recipe #2 - The Tubster!

Anthem Singing Breasts Take Leave Of Absence!

Chet: Christmas Vermin Hunt A Holiday Treasure!
     

NEW ORLEANS BOWL, New Orleans, LA, Dec. 14
Originally named "Street Whore Bowl." Deemed "too misleading."
CHAMPS SPORTS BOWL, Orlando, FL, Dec. 21
"Losers Sports Bowl" didn't have "a ring to it," according to focus groups.
GMAC BOWL, Mobile, AL, Dec. 22
First corporate sponsor, Sweetco Penicillin Nut Bar, dumped after insisting on slogan, "Beats Picking Up Your Relatives At The Airport!"
FORT WORTH BOWL, Fort Worth, TX, Dec. 23
First name, "EEEEEHAAAAA!! BOWL" not translatable for deaf, scrapped.
LAS VEGAS BOWL, Las Vegas, NV, Dec. 23
Run by Mob for years as "Get Drunk And Blow Dough" Bowl, changed named when Steve Wynn bought it.
HAWAII BOWL, Honolulu, HI, Dec. 24
Called "Welcome Japan" Bowl until 1941.
MPC COMPUTERS BOWL, Boise, ID, Dec. 27
MPC steps in after one-year-and-out stints including Atari Bowl, Wang Bowl, Casio Bowl and New Coke Bowl.
MOTOR CITY BOWL, Pontiac, MI, Dec. 27
"Auto Burn Bowl" and "Murder Capital Shootout" squelched by Mayor's office.
INDEPENDENCE BOWL, Shreveport, LA, Dec. 28
"Confederate Victory Bowl" ditched after three years straight with only Murchison's Rebel Flags as corporate sponsor.
INSIGHT BOWL, Phoenix, AZ, Dec. 28
"Korean Software" Bowl "didn't have ring," according to organizers.
HOUSTON BOWL, Houston, TX, Dec. 29
"F$*% The Cotton Bowl" Bowl held little appeal outside Texas.
ALAMO BOWL, San Antonio, TX, Dec. 29
Original name, "Pearl Harbor" Bowl, nixed as "not disastrous and local enough."
SILICON VALLEY CLASSIC, San Jose, CA, Dec. 29
"Silicon Mountain" Bowl flagged by FCC as illegal sexual double entendre.
CONTINENTAL TIRE BOWL, Charlotte, N.C., Dec. 30
"Rubber" Bowl already taken by San Francisco fetish group.

Stay tuned, more bowl histories next week!....



SEARCH!
for anything Sportalicious!

ACTUAL ADVERTISEMENT...really...try it. Please?

Sportalicious! - Sports Satire and Sports Parody Baked FRESH Every Tuesday
©2004 Sportalicious! All rights reserved. Protected under federal and local laws.
Unauthorized duplication of materials within is punishable by horrid and cruel methods.