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Bronze Statue Harbor, NJ
- The Heisman Trophy announced Monday from
a hospital room in this exclusive New Jersey seaside enclave
of wealthy monuments that it was feeling "really queezy"
and may not make its own Heisman Trophy Ceremony
this coming weekend. The move would effectively cancel the
ceremony in a year when there's no college football player
out there who really deserves to win it, but the Trophy
insisted he's not dodging anything and is really sick. "I
barfed ten times last night," he said from his room
at the Not Bad For Jersey Medical Center. Indeed, the bronze
trophy had a pale teal hue to its surface, but that may
just have been caused by crappy fluorescent lighting. Some
doubt was cast on the Heisman Trophy's true motives when
the statue of Christopher Columbus from New York City's
Columbus Circle offered to go Saturday in Heisman's stead
and Heisman snapped, "quit showboating, brasshole!"
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