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WE'RE
ON TV! |
| See Sportalicious! "friend"
Jeff Cesario on ESPN's "Rome is Burning" on Dec.
4. |
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Look out for that dog leg.
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Santa Boybara, CA - Michael Jackson
himself announced Sunday that Neverland Ranch has instituted
a slate of attractive golf packages in an effort to turn publicity away
from less positive aspects of the Ranch's activities. All the packages
fly under the marketing umbrella, "Eighteen Holes have never been
so fun!" The top-of-the-line package, known as the "Never-Sand,"
features a three-day, two-night stay for $7499 that includes 54 holes
of golf on Jackson's private Scottish links-style course dubbed "Little
Magic Wand." The package also includes a tour of Jackson's illegal
zoo. The mid-range package, priced at $4999, features three days of golf
at his shorter private course, the "Beat It"
layout, followed by an evening concert featuring the San Luis Obispo Pre-Pubescent
Boys Choir. The most affordable package is priced at $1699 and includes
36 holes of golf at the recently completed "Thriller"
par-3 course and a free night at Jackson's illegal amusement park. Each
package is guaranteed by Neverland's customer satisfaction motto, "Don't
finish til you've dropped it in every hole!" In all packages, free
overnight daycare is required. The Association of Catholic Bishops has
thrown its support behind Jackson, buying thirty of the Never-Sand packages
for mid-December and scheduling its annual all-male Theology Mixer for
that weekend. Jackson himself defended the move, saying "I love golf,
is that so hard to believe?" Reporters refrained from laughing as
Jackson was driven off to the Playdough Institute for more work on his
face.
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