|
APPLE &
SPORTALICIOUS ANNOUNCE 15-TUNE GIVEAWAY!
Firewall Estates, CA - Apple Computer
and Sportalicious.com are in bed - finally! On the heels of the
100 million-song Pepsi/iTunes
giveaway and the rumored billion-song McDonald's/iTunes
giveaway, managing editor Chet Waterhouse
has announced that Sportalicious! has signed on with iTunes to
give away up to fifteen tunes in a joint agreement that should
benefit both companies immensely. Sportalicious! will benefit
from Apple's reputation and distribution, and Apple will benefit
by having a nonsensical deal it can rip apart at its annual stockholders
meeting. Waterhouse said Sportalicous! should be able to pay the
$15-dollar fee to Apple in installments over the next two months.
A&M CADETS CAPTURE OKLAHOMA CONVOY
AT AIRPORT!
College Station, TX - After being drubbed by
the University of Oklahoma 77-0 Saturday, the
military cadets from Texas A&M ambushed the
Oklahoma buses as they tried to reach their plane at Dokie Prebert
Airstrip and captured all 123 Sooners. The Sooners are being held
in canvas tents on the dusty airstrip and will not be released
until the agree to never play "Boomer Sooner" again.
In a videotape sent to local TV stations, various Sooners were
shown on camera. They all said they were being treated well and
given ample food and water, but the Oklahoma State Police claim
that in his interview, head coach Bobby Stoops
blinked Morse Code with his eyelids that "they took our playbook."
University of Oklahoma officials said they would not negotiate.
"Once you stop playin' 'Boomer Sooner' for one band of ruffians,
it's a domino effect, and pretty soon we won't even be able to
play it at g*&dam Kansas!"
FOX PRE-GAME SHOW MISTAKEN FOR MEN'S
WEARHOUSE INFOMERCIAL!
Non-Disney Acres, CA - Phone lines at Fox
Sports headquarters were swamped Sunday afternoon when
new staging and camera angles on Fox's NFL pre-game
show tricked viewers into thinking it was a commercial for Men's
Wearhouse, advertising oversize suits and mismatched
shirts and ties. "We've got a new lighting guy," said
Fox Sports publicist Lacey Pill-Dejardine, "and I think he
came from QVC. He's good, he just needs a little
time. I guarantee it." Over 1200 callers wanted to know how
much Jimmy Johnson's suit cost, 900 liked Howie
Long's suit, and James Brown was right
behind with 870 calls. Terry Bradshaw got seventeen
calls regarding his grammar, but none on his suit. Fox said it
is debating whether to change the lighting or get into the suit
business.
DON ZIMMER IN JU JITSU CLASS!
Easydoesit, AZ - Former New York Yankees
bench coach Don Zimmer has been seen in this
retirement village sneaking into a martial arts instruction studio
and taking lessons in ju jitsu. Zimmer, who temporarily lost his
mind in the American League Playoffs and charged
Boston pitcher Pedro Martinez,
was tossed effortlessly to the
turf by Martinez with a soft 'cheek caress' hold. Zimmer has
claimed publicly that it's all behind him, but he has apparently
enrolled in a sixteen-hour ju-jitzu immersion program and obtained
roadmaps of the Dominican Republic.
JALALABAD SHELVES OLYMPICS HOST
BID!
Jalalabad, Pakistan - An exhausted Jalalabad
Olympic committee finally threw in the towel late Sunday night
and said it would withdraw its bid to host the 2012 Olympics.
"We don't have the facilities," said Ravi Massouf, who
then admitted, "Okay, we have the facilities, but the constant
murderous religious gunfights are a bit of a drawback." Jalalabad
officials had told the International Olympic Committee
they would use funds raised at gunpoint from average citizens
to build Allah Field for all the track events, and the Olympic
Pool and Diving House had been inadvertently dug to near-perfection
by an Al Queda terrorist raid on the country's first Krispy
Kreme location. But when Jalalabad Police told the Committee
it couldn't guarantee anyone's safety and was thinking of getting
out of town itself, the Committee reluctantly shelved its bid.
Jalalabad officials said they would instead try to sponsor the
Miss Nude World competition.
|
|
