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Grandy Air Force Base, IA
- The Bowl Championship Series, whose executives
have taken to the skies in their version of Air
Force One due to mounting criticism that they feel
threatens their lives, announced plans to statistically
factor in the astrological signs of ranked teams' head coaches.
A BCS spokesman, speaking under the tawdry cloak of anonymity
from the BCS's Boing 737 dubbed "The Flying Decimal
Point" somewhere over Utah, said the astrological signs
should be just the kind of human ingredient critics of the
system have been vehemently demanding. As it stands now,
the BCS uses won-lost records, strength-of-opponent equations,
national rankings, off-shore bank account balances and cholesterol
readings to determine which two colleges will play for the
national championship. Adding astrological signs should
shut up 'the pansy-ass sticklers,' according to the spokesman,
who's name is either Jim, or he was ordering a Jim Beam.
Not sure. The Zodiac narrowly beat out 'tarot card readings,'
'line dancing' and 'favorite cereal' to become the newest
BCS element.
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