If you’ve ever spent any time in Las Vegas,
particularly between the hours of 1am and 8am, The Tubster needs
no introduction. The omni-present “Tub” slides effortlessly
around Vegas despite his 483 pounds and its accompanying odor.
As a denizen of eateries all over town, he’s beloved, or
as one maitre’d jokingly put it, “barely tolerated,
with his fat freakin’ mouth.”After a successful career
in auto-dial telemarketing, The Tubster turned his talents to
oddsmaking. His career mark of 50.61% right versus a paltry 49.39%
wrong is third all-time among active fat blowhard tipsters.
Baseball's a sucker bet... ...so they say... but maybe "they"
just want you to think that so all the good bets are theirs! NOW...
you're thinkin' like the Tubster!
Rule #7: Find the nooks and crannies at the right sportsbook and
you'll be rollin' in...uhh... potato chips.
For instance -- Guffaws sportsbook at Sir Laffsalot's Castle Casino
out near Jetcrash, Nevada has a nice couple bets I haven't seen
anywhere else -- drop two chips on the Bosox
at 3-1 for "First water cooler destroyed by bat" and
put a chip down on Houston for even money "most
pronunciation errors with lineup..."
...then it's over to Stents Bar at Tony Pellicori's Heart Attack
Casino off downtown for my favorite October bet: Three potato
chips on Tim McCarver at 4-1 to get into a fist
fight with his announcing partner...
...then down to Jalapeno's in the El Negro Sombrero for a two-chip
bet on Tony LaRussa at 6-1 to be the first manager
to spit something unrecognizable out of his mouth...
Next week, back to the real stuff: Division IV crosscountry!
Or my name ain't ...
The Tubster
We all know unsanctioned gambling
is illegal, and Sportalicious! would never condone it. But if
you're playing at the kitchen table, an innocent game with your
kids using potato chips…knowledge is power, that's all we're
saying.
|
