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Playa del Playah, CA - Television's
Dr. Phil, shocked at the vicious infighting
between Los Angeles Lakers superstars Kobe
Bryant and Shaquille O'Neal, announced
he was cancelling his next two episodes and dedicating them
instead to repairing the hoopsters' monumental rift. Dr.
Phil's producers said the two episodes - "Fatsos Who
Drive Scooters," and "My Daughter's A Whore,"
will be aired in December during the Christmas week so that
Dr. Phil can attack the Kobe/Shaq feud with back-to-back,
41-minute episodes, the kind of extensive time commitment
it will certainly take to mend this major emotional chasm.
For those of you who have been trying to kick oxycontin
addictions recently and haven't had access to the news,
Rush, here's a brief summary of the feud:
Shaq questioned Kobe's tenacity coming back from a knee
injury and adultery, and Kobe called Shaq a lazy lard-ass.
Dr. Phil - who incidentally got his doctorate in Marketing
Techniques from the University Of The Night - said he will
plunk the superstars down in his Ikea chairs and not let
them up until they've either mended the friendship or 82
minutes is up.
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