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WE'RE
ON TV! |
| See Sportalicious! "friend"
Jeff Cesario on ESPN's "Rome is Burning" on Nov.19. |
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Sometimes you need a fish that'll meet
you halfway.
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Farmertan, GA - Glen Dean Colquitt, a 23-year-old
liturgical music major at central Georgia's famous Gump College, was the
surprise winner of the Bass-tastic $300,000 "When You Fish Upon A
Star" bass-fishing tourney this past weekend! The unsuspecting Colquitt
bungie-jumped off Crawdad Bridge outside Farmertan, unaware it was the
site of the tourney. As his head hovered over Red Bump River for a brief
moment, he unintentionally yanked out of the water a monster 13-pound,
11-ounce bigmouth bass with his teeth. Colquitt hung on to the fish for
the remaining seventeen yo-yo moves of his bungie cord and easily captured
first place in the bass tourney over the 9-pound, 2-ounce effort of local
sheriff's deputy Butch Elmer. Elmer was accused of bad sportsmanship when
he immediately issued Colquitt a ticket for violating Farmertan County's
"no shoes, no shirt, no bungie" ordinance. Elmer claimed he
was just doing his job. Colquitt laughed in his face, and the two were
then separated by Crawdad Bridge maintenance workers. The $211-dollar
summons will hardly make a dent in Colquitt's $190,000 first-prize windfall.
Colquitt said he had never fished before in his life and will never fish
again after tasting raw bigmouth bass entrails for nearly a minute while
his bungie cord subsided. Colquitt took special time out of his whirlwind
post-tourney schedule to tell his liturgical music professors at Gump
College to "f*%k off." Colquitt has already invested his winnings
in the "Girls Gone Wild" public stock offering and the new Farmertan
Hooters restaurant at the truck stop.
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