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Stonetongue, Quebec, Canada
- The Canadian government recently completed a study of
participants in the last four Winter Olympics Games
that confirms a latent fear of Olympic organizers -- no
matter how nice facilities and accommodations are and no
matter how easy organizers make it for athletes to get laid,
over 72% of all participants consider the locations for
the Games, "too damn cold." Most said they would
not participate again unless the International Olympic
Committee could figure out a way to get the Games
in a warmer clime, the three most often suggested being
Southern California, Hawaii or the Cayman Islands. Southern
California seems most likely, as Los Angeles has a ski area
within 90 minutes of it, called Big Bear. The ski runs there,
on the red-equals-beginner's to black-equals-expert scale,
are mostly considered "Light Pink," but skiiers
said the runs could be made more difficult by installing
"pop-up" scary figures and having the avalanche
cannon randomly fire onto the run during events. Figure
skaters said they would skate anywhere that had enough wardrobe
space. With less than 1% of the populace even aware that
professional hockey is on strike this season, the sport
has failed to qualify as a legitimate athletic activity
and no longer has a say in any Olympic decisions. However,
the International Curling Association said it would jump
on board the tropical climate bandwagon provide, quote,
"free rum is involved." Armed with that news,
San Juan, Puerto Rico, has submitted a bid for the 2014
Winter Games.
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