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After escaping Iraq and spending a brief
two weeks as the sports
information director at the Univeristy of Kansas, former
Iraqi Minister of Information Mohammed
Saeed al-Sahhaf found his way to the staff here at Sportalicious!
Initially hired to cover golf, al-Sahhaf's rhetorical skills
were better served by switching him to one-on-one interviews.
This past weekend, Al-Sahhaf interviewed Florida
Marlins ace pitcher and World Series
MVP Josh Beckett in the first class section
of the Marlins flight back to Miami.
AS: You are a warrior worthy of the Bedouin
camelball necklace given only to those who smite the interloper!
JB: Dude.
AS: Tell all loyal Sportraqi readers -
what is the secret to your de-boweling of the intransigent
hate-monger Yankees?
JB: Do you know Doc Ellis
once pitched a no-hitter on acid?
AS: You have answered a question with a
question, the sign you are a true demigod who has been handed
the power of the Sultans of the Fertile Crescent and instructed
to gut the hell-death opponent like a rabid wildebeest and
leave the entrails for the gods so they may make the Nectar
of Eternity!
JB: Could you get me more wine? The pilot
cut me off.
AS: The bonds amongst these loyal Marlins
of Florida inflame the eyeballs with righteousness and swell
the man-glands of all conquerors! To what do you attribute
this searing love?
JB: Man, I just really noticed for the
first time - McKeon is old. Look at the
s*$t around his eyes. No one even knew what he was sayin'
when he talked.
AS: So it is the sage wisdom of the Elder
of the Clan who maintains the Eye of Mecca in the shrine
of his very soul!
JB: I'm gonna listen to some Linkin
Park.
AS: Ah yes! - All great leaders of mere
mongrel men must refuel the bloodlust of their unique noble
ego with the chants of the Choirs of Smite!
JB: Choirs of Smite. They're on tour with
the Stereophonics, I think.
(at this point Beckett slips his headphones on and closes
his eyes while Al-Sahhaf is escorted back to his seat in
coach.)
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