New York, NY - Sportalicious! reporters disguised as a steel drum band have discovered records in the Dominican Republic that prove New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner actually may be the real birth father of Boston Red Sox pitcher Pedro Martinez! Steinbrenner had apparently travelled to Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic in 1971 to explore illegal offshore tax dodges for the Nixon Administration while also hiring immigrant slave labor for his Cleveland, Ohio, steel mill. Looking to save money but with a poor grasp of the Spanish language, the always thrifty Steinbrenner tried to locate a very cheap eatery named "La Taco Conchita." Somehow he was directed to Santo Domingo's red light district. At this point the CIA's White House-ordered tail on Steinbrenner called G. Gordon Liddy, who immediately hired a special local operative to make sure Steinbrenner didn't embarrass the Nixon Administration or just plain old get beat up by locals for being loud, rude and insanely cheap. That local operative was a young woman code-named "Rosa Calcetines" who found the most effective way to keep Steinbrenner out of trouble was to take him back to his room and, unfortunately for her, have sex with him several straight hours until he went into a coma. Evidence is a bit sketchy, but that woman, "Rosa Calcetines," may indeed be Pedro Martinez's mother! The release of this shocking and incredible information has been delayed a full two weeks largely because the Sportalicious! reporters disguised as the steel drum band were actually pretty good and got hired to play Santo Domingo's traditional "Rum-sippin' Away The Hurricanes" festival.