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(Bear Stearns bond market analyst and sports
fantasy expert Alan Castagna
gives his tips regularly in Sportalicious! 'Regularly' is
about once every six months, but whenever we get him on
the phone to complain, he seems very busy. And unpleasant.
There is no photo of Castagna; He needs to remain anonymous
to protect his real job.)
For those of you lookin' to have some fantasy
football fun and make new friends, stop reading this IMMEDIATELY...
...go to a freakin' Amish Quilting site, okay there, Skippy?
I'm in this for the KILL.
I've actually taken out a second mortgage on my Hancock
Tower condo to help fund some side bets I've got going in
my NFL rotisserie league. Why? Because
I'm in some kind of 'trouble' and I might have a 'problem'
that I can't 'accept' let alone 'handle?!' NO. Because I'm
RIGHT, that's why. Save your pity for that fatass Tubster
or better yet, your wife.
THREE HOTTEST FANTASY TIPS:
1 - Take Miami Dolphins reserve placekicker
Moamir Rafsanjani. First stringer will get shot in the next
few days and bang, he's in. Plus, the Dolphins ain't scoring
any TDs, so Moamir is gold. University of Qatar grad, he's
got some stones too.
2 - Trade for Coach Dick Vermeil. He's
crazier than a crack whore on Benadryl, but he wins.
3 - Unload New England qb Tom Brady.
I smell an achilles tear.
Okay, fine, don't listen to me. Keep playing for 'fun' and
getting your ass chewed like an antelope in a gator pond.
Who's driving the Mark Cuban Edition Hummer?!
Me. Who's got some gay cutesy name for their fantasy team
like "Rob's Renegades?" You. Wake up.
CASTAGNA
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