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"TIMBERRRRR!!!" |
Camaro City, FL - Sportalicious!
reporters disguised as lumber have uncovered the Jacksonville
Jaguars secret plans to avoid potential tragedy
in the wake of last week's appalling yet somehow hilarious
events. Head coach Jack Del Rio had installed
an axe and wood-chopping stump in the center of the Jaguars'
locker room, where most other teams have a kick-ass sound
system or sushi buffet. Anyway, Del Rio encouraged his players
to swing the axe and chop wood to help instill his testosterone-addled
motivational mantra, "keep choppin' wood." Jags
punter Chris Hansen took a swing one afternoon,
apparently his first swing ever with an axe. Ever. He missed
the wood, whacked off his lower leg and was rushed to Busch
Gardens Veterinary Emergency Center, where a gator leg was
grafted on to his bloody human stump. A muted Del Rio has
now installed a somewhat safer Black & Decker
pneumatic nail gun and modified his slogan to "keep
fastenin' wood." Hansen is already kicking with his
gator leg, which gives him less accuracy but greater distance.
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