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Paterno Puts Self In At Strong Safety!

  "I'll wear a leather helmet or nothing at all."
  "I'll wear a leather helmet or nothing at all."

State College, PA - After studying films of himself running to catch up to officials during several recent games, Penn State University football coach Joe Paterno announced he would start himself at strong safety for the Nittany Lions the remainder of the season. "Quite frankly, I'm faster than the guy we got back there, I forget the kid's name, he's a good kid," said Paterno, "but I got a better burst, and I know most everybody's offensive schemes and such. The kid, what's his name, he doesn't have that first step. Good kid. Number 24, I think. From New Jersey." The Nittany Lions, 2-4 on the season, need a spark, and this may just be it. Paterno has one year of collegiate eligibility left from his student days at Bucknell, 1907-'09. He has signed up for the minimum ten credits, which will include Italian, Art History: The Cubists, and Statistics. Nine doctors and a medivac helicopter will be in attendance at all remaining PSU games.

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