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"You are sneaking a peek at my newspaper,
and
yet you have one of your own. You must die!" |
Seattle, WA - Seattle Mariners'
outfielder Ichiro Suzuki broke George Sisler's
80-year old Major League record for hits in a season over the weekend
and in the process garnered a multi-million dollar deal from NBC
to star in his own sitcom! "The guy knows 'hits'," said NBC
head Jeff Zucker, "and we want a 'hit.' He 'scored'
over the weekend with his bat and his winning smile. He's a 'single' talent,
and he's 'outstanding' in his 'field' and a 'sizzler' all his own, and..."
At this point Zucker fainted from attempting too many baseball/TV puns
and was rushed to Burbank's Art Fern's TeaTime Movie Hospital where he
is listed in delusional condition, always a positive sign for a TV exec.
Ichiro's show will be called "Ich," and in it he'll play a sushi
chef who falls for a sassy black bartender (L'il Kim)
who has twins from a fateful one-night stand nine years ago with, ironically,
Barry Bonds. Ichiro's English is still a work in progress,
and so the show's creators have written in the part of 'Seiko,' (MAD-TV's
Bobby Lee) a talkative neighborhood gadfly who hangs out at Ichiro's
sushi place and just loves and loves and loves to repeat what people say,
like he's been doing it his whole life, so you don't think it's weird.
"Ich" will also feature "Star Trek's" George
Takei as a Japanese banker attempting to foreclose on the restaurant
and Steven Weber as a guy who makes lattes at a cart outside Ich's place.
The show's creators, Pun Albritton and Zach Filch, recently wrapped up
three years as showrunners on "Web," Steven Weber's sitcom about
a web designer, and "Brec," the groundbreaking sitcom about
the life of an actor (Breckin Meyer) and his apartment buddies that was
shot exclusively on an old Montgomery Wards Super-Eight camera.
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