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Alejandro is Sportalicious'
staff psychic extraordinaire. Formerly Kurt Poltrikus, a
freelance logger from Beaverton, Oregon, Alejandro
was struck by lightning which infused him with his special
psychic powers. He often receives his psychic predictions
through the intense, spiritual power of lightning, which
unfortunately renders him unconscious until after the event
has passed. He now lives in a shiny trailer at what crazy
people consider a spiritual hotspot one mile North of an
Indian casino in Northern Wisconsin. He has two cats - Pooky
and Kurt. Alejandro's most extraordinary prediction
thus far is that he would indeed become Sportalicious' staff
psychic extraordinaire.
Recently a thunderstorm and ensuing lightning
bursts blew through northern Wisconsin near the Sportalicious!
home base of Cheddar Falls. Tricked by managing editor Chet
Waterhouse to "go outside with a curtain rod and whack
some apples off the tree," Alejandro was once again
hit by lightning, passed out, and came to four hours later
with, as he mysteriously puts it, "a couple things
that just came to me..."
Alejandro: The Boston Red Sox are
gonna win the World Series. Yankees...bus
crash... A-Rod gets Twinkie caught in throat...
Oh, damn, my left temple feels like it's on fire.
Chet: Here. Have some cold ginger ale.
Alejandro: I don't know if that's--
Chet: Shut up and drink. You been layin' around here for
months, let's get crackin'.
Alejandro: (guzzling sounds, then:) ...uhhh... whew...
Montreal baseball team moves to Washington
D.C.
Chet: Happened five days ago.
Alejandro: Let me finish... (rubs ear lobes) My ears hurt.
Montreal moves to Washington, within one month Washington
moves to Council Bluffs, Iowa...
Bush makes promise in second debate, has to back it up or
lose midwest swing states...
Chet: Yikes. I'm for separation of sport and state.
Alejandro: NASCAR title won by Robby
Gordon... ...ranking system too complicated, fails...
drivers hold their own two-lap playoff on riding mowers....
Chet: Maybe you're right and your damn brain's on fire...
Alejandro: Stop SHOUTING. Last prediction... must
sleep... with head in bucket of ice... J-Lo
dates Vijay Singh... Tiger
regains Number One ranking...
Chet: Get some sleep, son.
(at this point Alejandro falls asleep while doctors coat
his ears in vanilla ice cream.)
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