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New York, NY - The Concierge
Union has issued a Red Alert warning to all concierges regardless
of sex or race but probably under age 24, to be "on
their toes" when dealing with any professional athletes,
especially those looking for some sort of tour of the facilities.
The union advised the more attractive among its rank and
file to flirt less and stop using their decisiveness so
openly, as customers often find this a turn-on. They were
also advised to occasionally say, "I don't know,"
"Ask the front desk" and "please zip up your
pants, sir." In addition, the union is requesting all
hotel chains include on their interminably boring in-hotel
channel a video tour of the facilities so that if a guest
requests a tour, the concierge may simply say, "go
to your room, crack the mini-bar and leave me out of it."
All athletes will also now automatically receive free Spectravision.
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