That's clearly a counterfeit bobblehead.

Detroit, MI - Sportalicous! reporters disguised as British golf hooligans celebrating Europe's crushing defeat of America in this year's Ryder Cup discovered a shocker of their own that may help explain this year's rout -- nearly every golfer on the U.S. team lied about their previous golf experience in the Ryder Cup. "It appears Fred Funk and Jim Furyk both claim to have been on previous teams," said a fired-up coach Hal Sutton, "but they failed to pass physicals and no documentation could be found to back it up. In fact, Funk missed the cup altogether on the urine sample test" Sutton added that witnesses have now come forward to claim that Funk's dad, one of the most influential and prominent tee manufacturers in the world of golf, pulled strings to get Funk on the team so he could avoid actual teaching duty. Meanwhile, both Davis Love III and Stewart Cink did indeed win the Purple Cart medal for their service in previous Cups, but recent de-classified information describes their "hazardous injuries suffered in the line of duty" as just a slight bruise to the temple from a softly slicing sand wedge shot and some minor tee pricks on the thumbs and fingers. "I don't want to use this as an excuse for our ass-kicking at the hands of the Europeans," said Sutton, "but I would nonetheless like to use it as an excuse for our ass-kicking at the hands of the Europeans." The Swift Moat Group, an organization of golfers who claim to have experience fighting through every type of water hazard, staged a protest to claim Tiger Woods' hand callouses aren't 'real.' Tiger immediately strangled two of them, who then later admitted at Cooley High Medical Center in Detroit that Woods' hands felt "pretty real around our necks."