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Check that chair for saliva. |
Divan, Ottoman Empire - The
World Chair Council held a press conference Monday to announce
that it was taking legal action against Texas Rangers'
pitcher Frank Francisco. Last week an incensed
Francisco, claiming Oakland A's fans grabbed
his wrist and called him foul names, threw a chair into
the stands behind the Rangers' bullpen, skimming it off
a man's head who was the original target and then plunking
the man's wife in the nose, breaking it. "He's a baseball
player - for the love of all that is holy, grab a bat,"
said Paraguay's Umberto Realismo, head of the WCC. "What's
with the violence against chairs? How come nobody throws
toilets?" added a distraught Realismo. When it was
pointed out to him that the reason people don't throw toilets
during a temper tantrum is because they're bolted down and
their ten to fifteen times the weight of an average folding
chair, Realismo said, "Hey, you could nitpick this
thing to death." The WCC was formed after Bobby
Knight's chair toss more than a decade ago exposed
hidden chair abuse for all society to see. "Throw the
game, not a chair!" said Realismo, who is from South
America, where throwing sporting contests is considered
acceptable if the right firearm is held to the head.
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