The suit's from Armani. The smile is from Smug.

New York, NY - With Kobe Bryant's rape case having been reduced to a "Loading In The White Zone" violation, other professional athletes said they might "try the rape route" to both generate positive publicity and to help strengthen their marriages. "Our Players Union is always looking for ways to connect with the public," said NBA Players spokesman D'artanyan Hipp, "and Kobe's sold more Number 8 jerseys in the last six months than ever before." Hipp said he's been monitoring the case, as have many other routinely adulterous players who are looking for ways to shut up their spouse, still get exotic and fresh women, and at the same time sell more jerseys and shoes while not going to prison. "Drunkenly racin' our ridiculously expensive automobiles in immature fashion late at night seemed the way to go until a number of us hit bridge abutments," said Hipp, "so many of the guys are relieved this whole new Kobe thing seems to be a viable way to boost pub." Adultery is "part of the lifestyle, bitch," said a tattoed NBA forward who asked to remain anonymous because he actually has two ex-exotic dancer wives in two different cities and is cheating on both of them. "That concierge thing is smoove. I be tryin' 'at. Eyytt? Awwwww. Yadon'?! eeeYeahhhh!" The Players' Union is trying to get Mercedes-Benz interested in sponsoring a "Guilt Gift" competition. "Benz should kick it ovah!" said the unidentified player, "We buy a lotta those cars, those Japanese bastards."