I swear on my pastrami ruben, I was gonna put four
potato chips on Bowling Green over Purdue
and San Diego State covering against Ohio
State - when I realized...
I lost my wallet.
Wow. To reach down and not feel it (I keep it in a zipper pocket
on the left left of my cargo pants because of my sciatica). Worst
feeling in the world, right?...
I retraced my steps from the adult bookstore, back to the quarter
video poker progressive bank at Manny's Alpine Casino, over to
their coffee shop, Billie Goat's... by the way, the best candy-apple
custard in the west... and still nothing...
I check every crevice of my Pontiac Aztek, (for
pennies I got the demo model Iowa State used
as a school ambulance! Just 'cause it was yellow and red with
a little smell?! - who cares!) - still nothing... though I found
a pocket version of "Chicken Soup For The Gambler" -
a must - anyway...
I had to walk to Ed Monroe's Shock-asino (couldn't get gas - no
wallet! - ) and watch my eight potato chips fly off the table
at the sports book and get crushed under a cocktail waitress's
stiletto heel...
And of course JUST THEN - my cell phone rings, which is in my
fanny pack with my heart pills, I answer it - It's a wonderful
woman named Randi who found my wallet!...
Randi is a bartender at Casa Villa - great legs, but has a boyfriend,
drat! - anyway, I was so relieved! We met on the Strip near my
Aztek and I was so thankful she found it (near a strip joint I
don't remember ever being in - weird!) that I tipped her and here's
how:
I said, "Randi, put three potato chips down on St. Anasta's
NAIA Division III women's field hockey to repeat as northwest
sectional champs... and thank me later!" ... or my name ain't...
The Tubster
We all know unsanctioned
gambling is illegal, and Sportalicious! would never condone it.
But if you're playing at the kitchen table, an innocent game with
your kids using potato chips…knowledge is power, that's
all we're saying.
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