|
Last week the entire Sportalicious! staff made
their NFL picks,
and with the aid of booze and pizza, they perservered and just
finished up their college picks! So here goes, the picks of staffers
Chet Waterhouse, Alan Castagna, The Anthem-Singing Breasts, Mohammed
Saeed al-Sahhaf, Mr. Stats-Glenn Furg, Dick Baker, Alejandro and
the Tubster:
CHET: Man oh man, it's too damn humid to think
about college football. I need a snap in the air, a crisp breeze,
the fiery pastiche of autumn color brought on by the impending
arrival of ol' man Winter-
CASTAGNA: Shut up. Miami.
CHET: You lack social grace.
CASTAGNA: I have money.
TUBSTER: Had money. Ohio State.
CASTAGNA: Market's comin' back, fatty.
BREASTS: South Carolina.
CASTAGNA: Why's that, gorgeous?
BREASTS: 'Gamecocks.'
CASTAGNA: Of course.
MR. STATS: The odds the winner will have an 's' and a
'c' in its name is 2781 to 1.
CASTAGNA: Have you ever gotten laid?
MR. STATS: The probability of that occurance is quite
high.
DICK BAKER: I'll go with Cal. Love the
golden bear.
CASTAGNA: They lost already, moron.
DICK BAKER: I have a gaffing hook on me. I will use it.
MR. STATS: I will take USC. With an
's' and a 'c.'
CASTAGNA: Hey, 'suck' has an 's' and a 'c' in it.
CHET: Why do I even ask you to these?!
ALEJANDRO: You fear him, that's why. His manhood.
CHET: He's written a total of one article for us. One.
(silence)
CASTAGNA: And?!
ALEJANDRO: Texas.
CHET: You know that?
(silence)
ALEJANDRO: No. There hasn't been lightning for five weeks.
I'm slidin' by on fumes.
BREASTS: It's getting hot in here.
CASTAGNA: 'So take off all your clothes...'
BREASTS: I'm naked.
CASTAGNA: Put something on and then take it off.
CHET: I want a piece on my desk Monday morning.
BREASTS: I used to think you were cute. You're a pig.
CASTAGNA: How about if I have a piece - of ASS on your
desk?
(the Breasts throw piping hot coffee into Castagna's face. The
noise of sizzling skin awakens Mohammed Saeed Al-Sahhaf. Several
seconds go by. Finally - )
AL-SAHHAF: Michigan.
END
|
